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Actual transcript follows...


Talk With Conan O'Brien

Aired July 17, 2003 - 13:47  ET


KYRA PHILLIPS, CNN ANCHOR: I want to talk now with one of the nominees and
the host of last year's Emmy Awards show.
Conan O'Brien joins me on the phone from New York.

Hi, Conan.

CONAN O'BRIEN, "LATE NIGHT" TV SHOW HOST: Hi, Kyra, how you doing?

PHILLIPS: Good. Are you excited about this honor?

O'BRIEN: Yes, it's very nice. This is our first show nomination, which is
just great. Everyone here is very happy.

PHILLIPS: I want you to dish it out with me here. I have a couple questions
for you.

O'BRIEN: You bet, shoot.

PHILLIPS: Here we go.

O'BRIEN: Let's crack the lid off this thing.

PHILLIPS: Rock 'n' roll. Let's open up that can of whoop -- beep.

All right, David Letterman, Jon Stewart, Jay Leno.

Honestly now, do you think David Letterman's funny? I want to know the

O'BRIEN: Yes, I'm going to go on the air right now and trash all these
people and end my career. No, yes, obviously. He's David Letterman, what are
you talking about? He's the man. He created the show that I now have, so,

PHILLIPS: And Jon Stewart?

O'BRIEN: Jon Stewart, very funny, very talented man, tough to beat. Jay
Leno, tough to beat. Good competition all around. How's that for a boring

PHILLIPS: Yes, come on. You don't want to dish it out?

O'BRIEN: All right, they're freaks and losers, all of them, is that what you
want to hear. I happen to know they're all battling their secret demons and
they're into weird, kinky fetishes.

PHILLIPS: Do you ever worry about not being funny?

O'BRIEN: Yes, right now, for example. It's a fear that's just chilling me to
the bone. Yes, of course, yes. I think every comedian is worried every three
seconds that they're not funny enough. It's why we have trouble performing

PHILLIPS: Now, you went to Harvard. I got to tell you, this surprises me,
could you ever be a class cut-up at Harvard, not that you're not a smart
guy, don't get me wrong, but you know...

O'BRIEN: I love that it surprises you that I went to a good school. That's
funny, Conan, you seem like a functional literate to me, but...

PHILLIPS: You have very good grammar. I watch you all the time.

O'BRIEN: Thank you. I'll pretend that that's true. Yes, no, is that the
funniest place in the world? Harvard, no. But it was -- yes, you could be a
little bit of a class clown there.

PHILLIPS: Did you ever get in trouble for that?

O'BRIEN: I was arrested many times when I was there.

PHILLIPS: Really. Do tell.

O'BRIEN: I got myself in a lot of trouble when I was in college. And then I
realized, all right, I better get a late-night talk show or I'm in a lot of
trouble. So it was a big dead-end for me, pretty much.

PHILLIPS: Did you graduate with honors?

O'BRIEN: I graduated, let's put it that way. Actually, I did plenty well. I
wrote a thesis on "Arsenio Hall" that got me very high honors, and then I
got my own talk show.

PHILLIPS: All right. Is it true that you're relate to Dennis Leary? Or is
this one of these rumors, these urban myths?

O'BRIEN: You know, Leary claims we're related. I'm having my people look
into it.

PHILLIPS: Are you tracing the family tree?

O'BRIEN: We're related the way any Irish people from Massachusetts are
related, you know.

PHILLIPS: After a few cocktails, you're always related.

O'BRIEN: Exactly. Dennis always says after about a few drinks, hey, buddy,
you and me, we're cousins, right? And then he hit mess up for money. So
let's -- yes, sure, we're related.

PHILLIPS: Speaking of money, do you really drive a '91 Ford Taurus?

O'BRIEN: Excuse me, it's a '92. It's a Ford Taurus SHO, and that thing --
that is a ride. I don't care what anybody says. I know Letterman and Leno
have their fancy cars, but the Ford Taurus SHO is a sweet ride.

PHILLIPS: Does it go fast?

O'BRIEN: It goes -- sometimes I've had it -- I've had that baby up to --
once, 75 miles an hour.

PHILLIPS: Ooh, you and little E, I can see you taking it around at Daytona.

O'BRIEN: I've had many rappers compliment me on my sweet ride.

PHILLIPS: Your hoopty?

O'BRIEN: Yes, exactly. Now you've last me. I don't know what you're talking
about now, Kyra.

PHILLIPS: All right, I'll help you out. I didn't go to Harvard, but I know
what hoopty means.

All right, so $8 million. You drive a Taurus. Are you a tightwad?

O'BRIEN: What are you talking about? I didn't say I drove just any Taurus. I
said the Ford Taurus SHO. It has a superfast engine.

PHILLIPS: This is now a commercial for the Ford Taurus, I love it.

O'BRIEN: I know, if I don't get a free Ford Taurus out of this, I'll be very
angry. By the way, I'd also like to mention that I love Snickers bars, too.

PHILLIPS: Really? Now you'll get free Snickers.

O'BRIEN: Now I'm aiming lower. I don't think I'm getting the free Ford
Taurus. I just want to say the Snickers, that's a fine candy bar.

PHILLIPS: You want to plug your show, too? You want to talk about your

O'BRIEN: Well, what's nice is we have a -- this is timed nicely, this
nomination, because we have a big 10th anniversary special coming up in
primetime, and it's going to be September 14th, and so that's going to be a
big show. Giant stars...

PHILLIPS: Big stuff...

O'BRIEN: I'll be naked for most of it.


O'BRIEN: It's...

PHILLIPS: You have naked news, you might as well have naked Conan.

O'BRIEN: I like the way you say that, too, Conan. You and Regis both say it
in the same way.

PHILLIPS: Oh, my God, you're putting me next to Regis.

O'BRIEN: You and Regis, you're both my heroes.

PHILLIPS: But I'm Irish.

I like that. Can we use that as a quote? We could use that as a promo.

O'BRIEN: Yes, I'll stand behind the statement.

PHILLIPS: I wish you were hosting the Emmys this year. You were not bad last

O'BRIEN: Thank you. You saying I was not half bad is the nicest thing
anyone's said to me.

No, actually, that was the most fun I think I've ever had on television, was
hosting that. It was a lot of fun.

PHILLIPS: Well, "The L.A. Times" even said you were pretty darn funny.

O'BRIEN: Well, that's nice. That was nice of them. No, it was a lot of fun,
and I didn't get paid. I don't understand -- I didn't know that going in.

PHILLIPS: Come on...

O'BRIEN: It's supposed to be a big honor, but you know, you can't drive
around in a Ford Taurus on nothing. You know what I mean, you need cash.

PHILLIPS: Wait a minute, I thought it wasn't just a Ford Taurus; it's a Ford

O'BRIEN: SHO, not the SHQ.

PHILLIPS: Conan, I love you.

O'BRIEN: I love you, too. And I really do love you. I'm in love with you,
you know that, don't you?

PHILLIPS: Let's talk after the show.

O'BRIEN: I think about you all the time.

PHILLIPS: I'm having fantasies. O'BRIEN: What are you wearing right now? I
want to know.

PHILLIPS: Turn on your TV, pal.

O'BRIEN: I'm wearing a miner's helmet, dressed like an old prospector.

PHILLIPS: We're looking forward to...

O'BRIEN: Does that do anything for you?

PHILLIPS: You know what, I'm getting heat flashes right now. I've got to go.

O'BRIEN: Me, too, all right. Nice talking to you.

PHILLIPS: Call me again, would you? I'm available...

O'BRIEN: I'm calling you in 10 minutes.

PHILLIPS: You got 10 minutes during the commercial break.

See you, Conan.

O'BRIEN: All right, we'll see you. Bye.



And this was just funny!!!!


Who'll buy? Ford portrays Taurus fans as archetypal good neighbors, the sort
who loan you tools.[/b]

· Premium Member
2,458 Posts
Excellent. I wish he had said "It's a SHO thing... you wouldn't understand."

I motion that Bob tries to get through to Conan's people and make him an honorary TCCA member! Can I get a second on that?

· Premium Member
2,458 Posts
Originally posted by djnb40+Dec 16 2003, 12:54 PM-->QUOTE (djnb40 @ Dec 16 2003, 12:54 PM)
@Dec 16 2003, 10:51 AM
Excellent.  I wish he had said "It's a SHO thing... you wouldn't understand." 

I motion that Bob tries to get through to Conan's people and make him an honorary TCCA member!  Can I get a second on that?
I second it.
Of course, he may already be in our midst... lurking, and enjoying freedom from his celebrity.

· Registered
62 Posts
Originally posted by SixFoFalcon+Dec 16 2003, 10:57 AM-->QUOTE (SixFoFalcon @ Dec 16 2003, 10:57 AM)
Originally posted by [email protected] 16 2003, 12:54 PM
@Dec 16 2003, 10:51 AM
Excellent.  I wish he had said "It's a SHO thing... you wouldn't understand." 

I motion that Bob tries to get through to Conan's people and make him an honorary TCCA member!  Can I get a second on that?

I second it.
Of course, he may already be in our midst... lurking, and enjoying freedom from his celebrity.
Hey, you never know. That would be awesome to have him as a member though!

· Premium Member
569 Posts
O'BRIEN: Excuse me, it's a '92. It's a Ford Taurus SHO, and that thing --
that is a ride. I don't care what anybody says. I know Letterman and Leno
have their fancy cars, but the Ford Taurus SHO is a sweet ride.[/b]

Durnit, he should've mentioned Leno's Shogun! Yamahama Powa!

Is there any good way to get a hold of him? That would be kick @$$ if he joined!
It's nice to see somebody stick up for a Taurus, especially in a place like that!

· Premium Member
2,458 Posts
I think we should send him a hoodie, t-shirt, stickers, etc., and maybe a cheesy plaque or something. If a bunch of people donate a buck or two each, we can cover the cost. I'm sure he'll be appreciative, so I think it would probably end up being good for the club. Maybe we'll even hear the TCCA mentioned on network TV some day!

· Premium Member
304 Posts
I don't think this email will really contact Conan directly but it might get through to his people I used to go to Dave Letterman show all the time when I lived in NY . He used to let people come up front to say hi.My old gf made him a cool coffee mug and got to give it to him. If you could get through to Conan's people you never can tell he might even do a segment on his Taurus and the "weird" Taurus club guys who love the Taurus.
or even if 4 local guys went with a Taurus Club bedsheet sign. You never can tell.

Email Conan
You can email Conan at [email protected].

Late Night with Conan O'Brien
Ticket reservations are accepted in advance only by calling the NBC ticket office at (212) 664-3056. Advance reservations are limited to four tickets per group.

All audience members must comply with NBC security procedures. Do not bring unnecessary electronic devices, backpacks, luggage, or other baggage.

For stand-by tickets: Arrive no later than 9:00AM on the morning of the taping, under the "NBC Studios" marquee at the 49th street entrance of 30 Rockefeller Plaza. Tickets are limited to one per person. No one under the age of 16 will be admitted.
You can request free tickets to see Conan's late-night TV talk show by writing to this address:
NBC Tickets
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112

Stand-by tickets do not guarantee admission.

· Premium Member
1,306 Posts
That's a great idea! It's not a far stretch for him to do a segment about the stuff that we sent him since he's done like entire series on jesus doing various activities figurines

OR we can also invite him to the next big TCCA meet; he can bring over a camera and all that

· Premium Member
346 Posts
Posted this a while ago but it's still a good read. There are a few other transcripts out there where he mentions his SHO. Nothing recent though; don't know if he got rid of it.

Kind of on-topic; read the speech Conan gave to graduating Harvard students; made me laugh out-loud many times:


· Premium Member
1,306 Posts
"Quick tip, graduates--no four-cylinder used vehicle should have a racing stripe."

The man speaks the truth...
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