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Premium Member
4,619 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I read this while on a nursing forum. Its hilarious. It was some lady from Atlanta.

Rules for Michigan Drivers

1.. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see
how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right
as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to
squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange
construction barrels.

2... Turn signals will give away your next move.
A real Michigan driver never uses them.

3... Under no circumstances should you leave a safe
distance between you and the car in front of you, or the
space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an
even more dangerous situation.

4... Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is
considered going with the flow.

5... The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller
the chance you have of getting hit.

6... Never get in the way of an older car that needs
extensive bodywork. Michigan is a no-fault insurance
state and the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

7... Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to
ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing
foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of
you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

8... Construction signs tell you about road closures
immediately after you pass the last exit before the
traffic begins to back up.

10... The new electronic traffic warning system signs are
not there to provide useful information. They are only
there to make Michigan look high-tech and to distract
you from seeing the state police car parked in the median.

11... Never pass on the left when you can pass on the
right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.

12... Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as
suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the
metro area during rush hour.

13... Just because you're in the left lane, and have no
room to speed up, or move over, doesn't mean that a
Michigan driver flashing his high beams behind you
doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

14... Please remember that there is no such thing as a
shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Michigan.

15... Always slow down and rubberneck when you see
an accident or even someone changing a tire.

16... Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the
landscape, keeps the existing litter from getting lonely,
and give Adopt-a-highway crews something to clean up.

17... Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours,
especially pickup truck drivers with stickers of Calvin
peeing on a Ford, Dodge or Chevy logo.

18... Learn to swerve abruptly.

19... Michigan is the home of high-speed slalom driving
thanks to MDOT, which puts potholes in key locations
to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

20... It is traditional in Michigan to honk your horn at
cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

21... Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes
your right of way.

22... Never take a green light at face value. Always look
right and left before proceeding. (see #5)

23... Remember that the goal of every Michigan driver is
to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

24... Real Michigan women drivers can put on pantyhose
and apply eye makeup at seventy-five miles per hour in
bumper-to-bumper traffic.

25... In Michigan 55 is the speed at which you leave
the driveway.

26... Heavy snow, ice, fogs, and rain are no reasons to
change any of the previously listed rules. These weather
conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection
process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle Rules for Michigan Drivers

SO TRUE!! every single one of them down to a T. Here are a few replies that people gave on the other forum.

some lady from Ohio.. "Hahah being from Ohio and grown up near the ohio line/michigan line those rules are true LOL! Michiganders are fast drivers!"

some lady from Atlanta.. "Yes, that explains why there are tons of Michigan people pulled over on I-75 the minute you cross the border into Ohio! I swear those Ohio police will get you every time......."

and that explains why I got pulled over driving to Cleveland the other day to the hospital! My radar didn't even go off and the cop said he radared me. He said he radared me at 97 in a 65. Are their like invisible radars or something? wouldn't my radar detector have picked it up? oh well. he let me go. Gave me a yellow warning sheet. Thank God for that one. that would of been a huge ticket. and i wasn't about to drive 4 hours to go fight it at court.

anyway, here are some more replies ...
some lady from texas.. ""MICHIGAN: an ancient Indian word meaning "Land of the Self Propagating Orange Barrels"

some lady from somewhere.. "My cousin told me that in Michigan there are 2 seasons: winter and construction."

some lady from up north michigan... "Here's one for the list made for us that live in rural areas of MI
There is nothing wrong with pulling out in front of someone going 55(ok 65) when you are going 35. Even if there is no one behind them."

well that gave me a good laugh! sorry if this is a repost!

Premium Member
111 Posts
Don't forget to add lefthanded....

Must of us in Central Illinois swear Michigan was created by Lefthanded People. This of coarse after driving there.

Premium Member
1,168 Posts
All of those are very true. My gf is still geting used to the crazy drivers up here. Back in Topeka where she is from everyone drove at or under the speed limit and everything was done like they never had anywhere to be.

Premium Member
111 Posts
A co-worker and I are leaving the security of Central Illinois to visit Detroit and General Motors. I'm bringing your list with me. We will try out your road rules.

Premium Member
4,619 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
Originally posted by fanofelliottmjb@Mar 25 2004, 10:43 PM
A co-worker and I are leaving the security of Central Illinois to visit Detroit and General Motors. I'm bringing your list with me. We will try out your road rules.
LOL!!! just don't go anywhere near 8 mile and Ryan Road, cause there is a sink hole about 25ft deep and 20ft across!!!
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