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"Hi, my name is Timmy, and I'm addicted to rice. I started off with a bodykit, but then I moved onto a fartcan exhaust that sounds like ass, a wing that would make a 747 blush, and more stickers than a teenage girl's notebook."

"Hi, Timmy, and welcome to Rice Anoynomous. The first step is admitting it!"

Ok, so this is the story about "Timmy."

I'm coming home from my girl's house, driving down the highway, talking on my cellphone. Before you judge my poor driving skills, keep in mind I have a hand's free set...the nice little headset-dealy. So without a phone next to my head, I don't look like an *******, I just look like I'm talking to myself. And I'm not a poor driver because of it. I was a poor driver to BEGIN with.

Traffic was pretty thick, and I was following behind a car I couldn't quite identify. It looked so weird. It had a primer gray bodykit which actually looked pretty decent. It had altezzas, which were a little ricey but forgiveable. But aside from that, it had a fartcan exhaust that sounded like sheep being slaughtered. It also had a spoiler that went 6 inches above the roof, made of enough metal to construct a small robot. I got a strange urge to rip it off his car and go gliding.

But before I could do that, traffic started to thin out, and I went to pass it. It was a 4 door sedan...Neon, I think? No way, too big. Then my jaw drops. How could I not notice it? It was a white G4 Taurus, 2002, with the new bodykit direct from Andy's. I didn't notice 'Taurus' on the back because it had been shaved off!

He pulled off onto the same exit I did, and we stopped at a light together. I couldn't see inside of his car, because of the tint. I give a little rev, but no response. The light turns green, and I take off slowly, but then when I start to hear the sheep screaming from his car, I jump on it and leave him to choke on some dual exhaust, and leave him to listen to a REAL exhaust system. B)

I can say with much certainty that I have seen the kit relatively closely, and it looks good! Really, it does! But if that car belongs to anyone here, I think we need to hold a rice intervention. I hold nothing against you, White G4 Taurus Driver-Man, I just think your car could stand to look in better taste! I'll go all Queer Eye for the Straight Guy on your car and make it look custom without looking tacky. I don't mind being gay for a day, as long as there's no d*ck involved. It's purely professional. I bet with a little more tactful of a wing, a MUCH better exhaust system, and some paint (we can't all afford it right away, I understand, so I won't judge too harshly on that) I bet your car could be kick ass!

So my friends, let's all come together and tell our dear friend how cool his car COULD be if he came over to the light.

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J

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Nice story, of course. ;) Was it a Duratec? I bet it was based on the way you described the exhaust note. So at least it had that going for it. B)
 
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