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OK, if you are in the know, you know that I got fired from my job as a bowling machinery technician for refusing to do unsafe work.

So, I had to come up with something fast, because I'm not the type to sit on my butt. And I did. I took a job at the local pizza joint running pies. Fortunately, I'm not using the Taurus for this. My little "pizza wagon" consists of a well-worn 1992 Chevrolet Beretta that has a 2.2L four-banger under the hood, and comes with a row-it-yourself gearbox. Plus, it's mostly blue. I'll toss up a pic later. Onto my first day on the job....

My first delivery.....to a well to do gated community, complete with entry guard. I have little patience for these type of things. So, somebody opened the gate with a remote, and I blazed the gate with 90 horsepower of fury. I make my delivery, collect my tip, and get back in the car. When I started it, I realized just how loud it was. My dad put one of these ricer exhausts on it, and I swear, it sounds like a Honda with a fart cannon. At least, that's when I realized it.

I get back to the exit, and Barney Fife is standing in the exit, anxiously awaiting me.

Barney: "You know what you just did was trespassing?"

Zorin: "That's funny. My boss, my customer, and your boss will probably not see it like that. In fact, they'll probably see this as you just trying to get it up because you had a bad day. We done here?"

My second delivery....right back to the same place.

Barney just looks up at me, and i look over at him.

Zorin: "What're the odds?!"

He simply opened the gate this time, no fuss no muss.

Things went pretty easily till a little later, when I got sent to a nasty section of town. I got stiffed on the tip, and it made me want to say some nasty things about the particular person I delivered to. Considering my wit has gotten me in trouble at least once or twice, I decided to let it ride. Got back, cashed out, and called it a day. Didn't do too bad, and more importantly, didn't get lost.

Today!

Place was jumping, and didn't get stiffed once. Using all 90 horsepower, and needing more. But the appearance of the car sure came in handy. I pulled up to one guy's place, and it looked to me like Uncle Escobar was deep in Colombian higher trading practices. But I could have cared less.

Uncle Escobar: "Jesus, look at that shitbox. Here, man, take another dollar."

Zorin: "Sweet!"

Like I said, the Beretta was mostly blue....if you discount the primer and rust top, and parts of the car where the paint is peeling off like a bad sunburn.

I get back, and one of my coworkers is grilling me about the Beretta. He told me that I should use a nicer car, and then I told him that he should try driving around in a shitbox....it seems to help tips.

And, now, for the main event.....

They sent me to a re-run, one where the other driver couldn't make the delivery. Just my luck, it happened to be a bunch of drunks at a hotel. They told us one room number, and happened to be in another. So, they called, screaming for us to deliver to the other room, saying they wanted the pizza free, all that jazz. So my boss sends me to defuse the situation. This was probably a bad idea on everyone's part.

Drunk dude: "I swear, you goddamn pizza boys couldn't pour piss out of a boot."

Zorin: "Yessir, it'll be $21.64 this evening. I'm terribly sorry about the mix up."

Drunk dude: "$21.64? You mean I have to pay for this pizza, and this pizza, and some no-good ******* to deliver it?"

Zorin: "Yeah....$21.64, and have some respect, or I'll kick your ass."

I got a thirty six cent tip from him......this job's gonna be fun, I tell ya what.

Zorin
 

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Looks like I got caught by the topic fairy again! Was expecting some interesting, anecdotal stories of wild experiences while out on the pizza express.

Crappy cars help improve tips. Shitboxes, though, make most believe you are working the poor image too much.
 

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I remember delivering pizza's in the early 80's as a second job at night. Made some have decent cash. Car was good on gas (don't laugh, it was a Chevette). The only real problem I had was the turkey who took the pizza out of my hands and slammed the door shut. I wouldn't leave till he paid... he was pretty reluctant till I told him I was calling the police. The boss was a little upset when I got back until I told him what the customer did. They highlighted his address for all drivers after that. I worked there for a few years, but was glad to escape it when armed robberies became the rage. Just wasn't worth getting shot over.

Keep safe, and have a blast... I do remember some fun times that made it worthwhile. ;)
 

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I think his stories are funny. Nothing wrong with driving shitbox!!! That thing should get better gas milage too.
 

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I just left my Pizza Delivery job, and I must say, it was a good time. As long as your using a car you don't really care about, it's all good. The Cougar did help my tips towards the end, as it definitely fit the shitbox description. Enjoy the job man!

Lucas
 

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haha you quoted it wrong in your sig :p

I imagine you don't have to knock on tomany peoples doors with a loud muffler you should just give a little blip on the gas and by the time you get to the door they are probably waiting
 

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1 shitbox next to the other two 'lawn Ornaments" or is it the other way around ... hard to tell. I really like the Cinder Blocks - gives that back hills Alabama touch... :D
 

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Uncle Escobar: "Jesus, look at that shitbox. Here, man, take another dollar."

Zorin: "Sweet!"
:rofl:

As always, good stories Zorin! Looking foward to more Pizza Delivery stories B)
 

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Pizza delivery... :lol2: I saw a young guy in what looked to be a later 80's Escort zip out in front of an 18-wheeler almost causing a huge wreck and take off with the sound of killer bees trailing right behind him. He must have pissed off a huge hive!

Anyway, I watch him go down 290 and I turn off the road. Fast forward 2 minutes and I see the same guy coming down the side street full speed and guess what? I end in FRONT of him because he had the red light. So this fool wastes all his gas, almost causes a wreck, and me going the speed limit still beats him to his destination. I doubt you drive like him, but he's the kind of person that makes cops hate anybody my age (20). :( I drive slower than those business guys in their BMWs going 80 MPH on their cell phones and they are twice my age.
 

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I once thought about doing something delivery. Quick money and partly tax free. Plus, some of the pizza delivery jobs around here make 9 or 10 an hour plus tips. Thats's pretty crazy considering I get only 11.50 at the Bank of F***merica. Plus the mileage is tax deductible. How are the tips anyways overall and how much does it supplement the hourly wages?

-moibiuslogic
 

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I did pizza delivery once for a short time. I must say, college students are the worst tippers. Moms come in a close second. Delivery should come with a built in surcharge. Its only fair.

-DC
 

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Getting mad at somebody because they didn't tip you is silly. I do understand how little delivery guys make, but it was your choice to take the job. Why should I be paying charity money to you? Now I never get delivery anyway so it's no problem to me, but why such hatred? Most places already charge 2 extra dollars for deliveries. Where does that go? I might as well make a Digiorno, Red Baron, etc. frozen pizza. And that is exactly what I do. It's the same reason I hate going to restaurants, but there it's worse because I have no choice but to tip. At least I get the choice with delivery to pick it up or not. Still, you get too angry and you will get yourself into trouble one day. Be careful.

Note: I do tip when somebody brings me something. I'm not an un-grateful bastard, but I can tell when someone comes off as angry, and they will get a smaller tip. I don't look at the car either, but the person giving me the pizza. It's shallow to judge the delivery guy on the car.
 
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